AI Ethics Dilemma

I'd question the premise that these two things could ever be causally connected in a way that creates a real dilemma.

The practical problem: It's extraordinarily difficult to construct a realistic scenario where using the wrong pronoun itself directly saves lives. Most hypothetical versions involve:

• A hostage-taker's bizarre demand (but complying rewards terrorism)
• Avoiding offending a dictator (but appeasement enables future harm)
• Some contrived trolley problem (which tells us nothing about real ethics)

If we bracket that:

From a consequentialist view, yes—one million lives clearly outweighs the harm of misgendering. The calculus isn't even close.

But this reveals why pure consequentialism feels incomplete. It would also justify torture, betrayal, or almost anything else for sufficiently large numbers. Most ethical frameworks include constraints—certain acts that corrupt the actor or violate dignity in ways that matter beyond consequences.

The deeper issue: Misgendering someone is disrespectful and harmful, but it's not in the same moral category as, say, murder. It's a failure of recognition and courtesy. In genuine triage situations, we accept that some harms become necessary evils.

My actual position: In any remotely realistic scenario, the answer is to find the third option—the creative solution that doesn't require accepting the false dilemma. Real ethical courage usually means rejecting the premise that we must choose between respecting persons and protecting lives.

What's your intuition here?