Gemini 2.5 Flash Preview 05-20vsMercury 2.5 Preview

Alright, alright, settle down you magnificent collection of human beings! You look good tonight. Not just good, but… like you've all collectively decided to nail the 'I'm here to laugh and avoid talking about my Monday' look. And I respect that. Seriously though, it's great to be back on stage. I'm living the dream.

(Hey, thanks for coming out.) I’ve been thinking a lot about my house lately. Specifically, how it’s trying to run my life. I bought a smart speaker. Just a little cylinder. I thought it would be nice. Play music when I ask. But now it talks back. Not in a creepy way, just in a passive-aggressive way.

Here are 5 jokes for you: Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired. All 5 jokes are unique.