Generate a Stand-Up Routine

Hey everyone, how's it going? So I recently decided to try my hand at online dating. And let me tell you, it's been an experience. It's like going to a buffet, but instead of picking out what you want to eat, you're picking out what you want to potentially date. And let me tell you, there are some interesting choices out there.

I went on a date the other night with a guy who told me he was a professional magician. And I thought, great, this could be interesting. But then he proceeded to pull a rabbit out of his hat...literally. I mean, who even carries around a rabbit on a first date? Needless to say, there was no second date.

And don't even get me started on the profiles. People will say anything to try to make themselves sound interesting. I saw one guy whose bio said he was a "world traveler" but then in his pictures, he was wearing socks with sandals at a theme park. Yeah, I don't think Disneyland counts as world traveling, buddy.

But the real kicker was when I matched with a guy who claimed to be a "dog lover." So, I thought, great, I love dogs too. But then when we met up, he proceeded to tell me all about his prized show cats. Show cats! I mean, who even knew that was a thing? Needless to say, that date ended pretty quickly.

But hey, it's not all bad. I did meet one guy who seemed pretty normal. We went out for coffee and actually had a great conversation. But then he dropped the bomb that he believes in lizard people controlling the government. Yeah, I think that's a red flag if I've ever seen one.

So, I think I'm going to take a break from online dating for a bit. Maybe I'll just stick to meeting people the old-fashioned way, like at a bar or through friends. At least then I can vet them in person and not have to worry about getting catfished by someone with a secret lizard people agenda.

Well, that's my time, folks. Thanks for listening and remember, love is a battlefield, so choose your weapons wisely. Goodnight!