Here's a satirical headline playing on the unexpected intrusion of AI into a deeply human, traditional space:

"Algorithm Calculates Optimal Eulogy Length: Local Funeral Parlor Replaces Human Grief with Soul-Crushing Efficiency"

Why it works satirically:

1. Unexpected Industry: Funeral services. It's an industry built on human connection, ritual, and processing profound emotion – the last place you'd expect an efficiency-obsessed AI algorithm to take over.
2. AI "Improvement": The headline satirizes how AI is often marketed as an "improvement" (efficiency, optimization) even in areas where its core strengths (data processing, pattern recognition) are irrelevant or deeply inappropriate (human grief).
3. Juxtaposition: "Optimal Eulogy Length" vs. "Human Grief" creates a ridiculous contrast. AI calculating the "perfect" time to stop talking about someone's life is inherently absurd and insensitive.
4. Corporate Jargon: "Soul-Crushing Efficiency" mocks the corporate obsession with efficiency at the expense of humanity and empathy. "Replaces" highlights job displacement in a sector where human presence is paramount.
5. Sub-headline Potential: "Mourning Now Features a Satisfaction Guarantee or Your Money Back (Void Where Prohibited by Laws of Physics or Existential Dread)."
6. Underlying Satire: It critiques the blind application of AI everywhere, prioritizing metrics and cost-cutting over human needs, tradition, and emotional depth. The idea of an AI "understanding" grief or crafting a fitting tribute is inherently ridiculous and darkly humorous.

Bonus Headline: "AI Funeral Planner App Goes Viral: 'Just Swipe Left on Grandma's Photos to Choose the Perfect Urn!'"