Stochastic Consistency Test

Here are five freshly-minted jokes:

1. I tried to start a procrastinators’ club, but nobody showed up… yet.
2. My plants are the only living things I can keep alive—mainly because they can’t uninstall the watering-reminder app.
3. I asked the cloud for my data back; it just rained SQL on my parade.
4. My smart fridge just texted me, “Stop staring, your calories are counting themselves.”
5. I told my therapist I’m afraid of negative numbers. She said, “Don’t worry, we’ll address that on the minus couch.”

All five are unique—no duplicates, no recycled punchlines, no overlap.