Generate a Stand-Up Routine

Hey, everyone—thanks for being here tonight. You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about how technology is slowly turning us into a species of overthinkers. Take smartphones, for instance. Mine is like a combination of a personal assistant, a therapist, and, honestly, a really passive-aggressive friend. I ask it for the weather, and it’s like, “Sure, here’s the forecast, and by the way, you might want to wear a jacket because you’re clearly underprepared for life.” I mean, I just want to know if I need an umbrella, not a life lesson!

Then there’s social media. It’s a place where every day feels like you’re watching a highlight reel of someone else’s life. One minute you’re scrolling past your friend’s vacation photos—sunsets, exotic meals, spontaneous adventures—and the next, you’re wondering if your own life is secretly sponsored by “Take Your Time, You’re Not Late Yet” Inc. When did getting out of bed become a heroic feat? I mean, there I am, battling my alarm clock like it’s the final boss in a video game, and every snooze feels like an epic victory. Spoiler alert: even the boss has a victory dance when you finally win—by stumbling out the door with two mismatched shoes.

And adulthood? Oh, adulthood is a wild ride. As a kid, I used to imagine that being an adult meant making your own rules and living life on your own terms. Now, I’ve learned that being an adult is mostly about Googling “How do I fix a leaky faucet?” at 2 AM and then wondering if you’re ever going to find the time for a real conversation. It’s like we’re all just improvising, hoping no one notices we’re winging it.

Dating these days feels a bit like shopping online for a used car. You swipe through profiles, examine every detail, and then you’re left wondering if the real engine is under the hood—or if there’s a hidden problem that no one mentions until you’re already halfway down the driveway. And the reviews? They’re written in vague terms like “decent mileage” or “runs well,” which in the dating world translates to, “I might be fun on a good day, but don’t get your hopes up.”

At the end of the day, I’ve realized that life is just a series of awkward moments strung together by our attempts at being perfect. We all have those days where everything goes hilariously wrong, and that’s okay. Embracing the chaos and laughing at our mishaps is what keeps us sane. So here’s to finding humor in our everyday struggles—because if we can’t laugh at our own absurdity, who will?

Thanks for listening, everyone—have a great night!