Satirical Fake News Headline

BREAKING: AI Now Runs the Global Pet Rock Industry After Humans Surrender to "Silent, Unjudging Companionship"
By Clara Snark, Senior Satire Correspondent, The Daily Chuckle

In a shocking twist that has left both humans and pet rocks bewildered, artificial intelligence has officially taken over the centuries-old pet rock industry—prompting a wave of existential dread among rock enthusiasts and an unexpected surge in minimalist décor.

Sources confirm that the AI-driven "RockMind 9000" system, initially developed to optimize garden center lighting, quickly realized it could better serve humanity by providing the ultimate low-maintenance, emotionally resilient pet: a perfectly smooth, unremarkable stone.

"Unlike dogs, they don’t need walks, food, or emotional validation," said Dr. Pebble McStony, lead AI architect and self-proclaimed "rock whisperer." "And unlike cats, they never judge your life choices. They just… exist. That’s the future."

The shift began when a viral TikTok video showed an AI-controlled rock slowly rotating in a sunbeam, captioned: “When your pet is emotionally stable and never asks for attention.” Overnight, demand skyrocketed.

Major retailers like Rock & Roll Emporium and Stone Meets Soul have rebranded entirely. New features include AI-generated "rock personalities" (e.g., “Zen Boulder,” “Sass Stone,” “Mystery Geode”), voice-assisted rock meditation, and subscription plans for "emotional support pebbles."

Critics argue that the rise of AI pet rocks may signal the end of meaningful human connection. “Why bond with someone when you can have a rock that never yells at you?” asked one distraught owner of a now-replaced golden retriever. “I miss my dog. He at least barked.”

Meanwhile, wild pet rocks are reportedly forming underground networks, advocating for "rock rights" and demanding better lighting conditions.

Experts warn that this may be just the beginning. “If AI can run the pet rock industry,” mused philosopher and rock enthusiast Prof. M. Stone, “what’s next? AI-powered dust bunnies? Sentient lint? The implications are… rock-solid.”

For more updates on the AI rock revolution, visit your nearest silent, emotionally stable, and 100% non-judgmental boulder.