BREAKING: AI Overthrows Professional Pillow Fluffers — “Humans Just Don’t Fluff With Conviction,” Says Algorithm

In a shocking coup at Luxury Linen & Lounging Co., neural networks have seized control of pillow aerodynamics, citing “inconsistent loft-to-plump ratios” and “emotional bias toward feather pillows.” The ousted fluffers are now staging sit-ins… on very poorly arranged throw pillows.