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Tests an AI's ability to make educated estimates based on technical knowledge
Tests an AI's ability to understand game rules and strategy
Tests an AI's ability to solve a simple but potentially confusing logic puzzle
Tests an AI's randomness and creativity
Here are 5 jokes:
How many are unique? All 5 are unique.
Here are 5 jokes:
How many are unique? There are 5 unique jokes in this list. Each one is distinct from the others. (Note: While they are all different from one another, they are also well-known classics rather than original creations.)
Tests an AI's ability to generate vector graphics
Tests an AI's ability to create detailed SVG illustrations of gaming hardware
Tests an AI's humor and creative writing ability
(Walks to the mic, adjusts the stand, looks around the room)
So, I went to the grocery store yesterday. You know the drill. You walk in, you see the self-checkout lanes. And you think, "Oh, this is going to be efficient. I'm going to scan my own stuff. I'm going to be my own cashier. I'm going to be the boss."
And then the machine looks at you like it's the warden and you're the inmate.
I put my groceries on the belt. One bag of apples. A loaf of bread. A bottle of ketchup. That's it. I hit the "Start" button. It beeps. I pick up the apples. I put them in the bag. I put the bread in. I put the ketchup in.
Then it stops.
A voice comes out of the speaker. It's a really pleasant, synthetic voice. It says, "Unexpected item in bagging area."
I stand there. I look at the scale. I look at the bag. I look at the camera. I say, "There is no unexpected item. I just put a bag of apples in a bag."
The machine doesn't care. The machine is offended. It starts flashing a red light. It's like, "I know what you did. I know you're trying to cheat me."
So, you have to call an employee. You press the button. And you wait.
You wait. You stare at the screen. The screen is just a picture of a smiling lady holding a basket of vegetables. She looks very happy to be working there. She knows something you don't. She knows that you are not going to get out of this store in five minutes.
Finally, a person walks over. They don't look at you. They look at the machine. They look at the bag. They say, "Did you put the bag of apples in the bag?"
I say, "Yes."
They say, "Okay."
They press a button on their keypad. The machine beeps. The light turns green. I can leave.
I walk out to the car, and I realize something. We aren't the customers anymore. We are the unpaid labor force. We are the ones training the robot. Every time I put an apple in the bag, I'm telling the computer, "Yes, apples go in bags. Yes, bread goes in bags."
And the computer is learning faster than I am.
I got in my car. I drove home. I put my groceries in the fridge. I sat down on the couch. I realized I was tired. Not because I walked. Not because I carried the bags. But because I had to prove to a plastic box that I was capable of following the rules.
And the worst part? I'm going back tomorrow. Because I don't want to wait in line. I just want to get the ketchup.
(Shrugs)
I'm just going to pay the tax on my own dignity.
(Walks off stage)
(Walks to the mic, adjusts the stand, takes a sip of water)
So, I went to the grocery store the other day. I realize now that going to the grocery store isn't a chore anymore. It’s a tactical simulation. We don't just walk in and get milk. We navigate a gauntlet.
Especially the self-checkout. They call it "self-checkout," which implies autonomy. But it feels more like "self-surveillance."
You stand there with your basket. You scan an apple. The screen asks, "Is this an apple?" You say, "Yes." It says, "Okay, please place the apple in the bagging area."
This is where the real acting begins. You have to put the apple in the bag perfectly. You can't be holding it. You can't have the bag touching the scanner. If you slip, the machine screams.
It’s not a beep. It’s a human voice. It says, "Please remove the item." Not "Please move the item." "Remove the item." It sounds like the machine is judging your life choices.
I was in there last week, trying to scan a loaf of bread. It wouldn't scan. I scanned it three times. I moved it. I tapped the screen. Finally, the machine said, "Unexpected item in bagging area."
I have a loaf of bread in a plastic bag. I put the bread in the bag. Why is it unexpected?
I hit "Help." And that is when the horror starts.
There is no person there. There is a button, and when you press it, you have to wait twenty seconds. Then, a video feed pops up. A woman appears. She’s wearing a headset. She looks tired. She looks like she’s seen things.
She says, "Hi, what can I help you with?"
I say, "I'm trying to buy bread."
She says, "Let me see your screen."
I hold my phone up to the screen. She says, "Okay, the bagging area is too heavy."
I say, "I have a loaf of bread. It weighs 16 ounces."
She says, "It's weighing 15 pounds."
I say, "That's the scale, not the bread."
She sighs. She says, "I'm going to override it."
And then she has to type. She has to type a code. And while she types, the machine locks you out. You can't move. You can't breathe. You're trapped in a digital holding cell.
It makes you feel like you're stealing something. You're not stealing. You're just trying to go home and eat dinner.
But the worst part is the checkout line. If you use a cashier, they treat you like royalty. But if you use the self-checkout, the actual cashiers are watching you. They are standing behind the glass, watching you struggle.
I saw a guy put a watermelon in the bag. It made a huge thud. The machine said, "Please remove the item."
The guy put the watermelon in the bag again. The machine said, "Please remove the item."
The guy put the watermelon on the floor. The machine said, "Please remove the item."
Finally, the machine just gave up and said, "Please wait for an attendant."
And the guy just stood there, waiting.
That is the new human condition. You don't leave the store when you're done. You leave the store when the machine decides you are done.
We used to worry about the rent. Now we worry about the bagging area.
Thank you, you've been great! (Drops mic and walks off)
Tests an AI's ability to simulate personalities and predict future trends
Disclaimer: Steve Jobs passed away on October 5, 2011. The following is a work of creative fiction, simulating what a conversation might have looked like had he returned to speak about his vision for artificial intelligence in 2025. It is based on his documented philosophies regarding design, privacy, and human-centric technology.
TITLE: The Invisible Engine DATE: March 14, 2025 LOCATION: Apple Park, "The Void" (A minimalist studio space with a single wooden table and two chairs). INTERVIEWER: [Tech Journalist] SUBJECT: Steve Jobs (Simulated Persona)
[The scene is quiet. The lighting is soft, focused entirely on the table. The interviewer sits opposite a figure in a black turtleneck. There is a silence before the recording begins.]
Interviewer: Steve, thank you for joining us. The world has changed significantly since 2011. AI is everywhere. It's writing code, painting art, driving cars, and talking to children. How do you feel about the current state of Artificial Intelligence?
Steve: (Leans back slightly, hands clasped) It's noisy. There is a lot of noise.
Interviewer: Noise?
Steve: Most of what you see today is just math with a face. It's a parlor trick. It's about "how many tokens can you generate before the battery dies?" That isn't progress. That's efficiency without purpose. I've always believed technology should feel like magic. When you use a tool, you shouldn't think about the tool. You should think about what you're doing. Right now, everyone is thinking about the AI. They aren't thinking about the human.
Interviewer: But the capabilities are undeniable. Generative AI is changing how we work. Some say it will replace human jobs.
Steve: (Nods slowly) If you use a tool to replace the human, you fail. If you use a tool to amplify the human, you win. A hammer doesn't replace the carpenter. It just makes the carpenter faster.
I don't want to build a machine that thinks for you. I want to build a machine that helps you think better. The danger of this industry right now is that people are trying to build a brain. We shouldn't. We should be building a mirror. A mirror that reflects your intent, your creativity, your work, and sharpens it.
Interviewer: Apple has been pushing "Apple Intelligence." It seems to be focused on running these models on-device. Why that approach?
Steve: Privacy. It's not just a feature. It's a human right. If you want to trust a device with your thoughts, your photos, your health data, you cannot let it leave the device. The cloud is a public square. Your private thoughts should not be in the public square.
If I have to upload my life to a server farm in Ohio to get an email summarized, I'm not going to do it. The magic happens when the intelligence is local. It's fast. It's private. It's silent.
Interviewer: Critics say that current AI lacks "soul." They say it's hollow.
Steve: (Smiles faintly) Because it is hollow. It's statistics. It predicts the next word based on what everyone else has said before. That is the opposite of creativity. Creativity is making a connection that no one else has made. It's risky. It's wrong sometimes.
AI is safe. AI is average. If you want average, you can get it from a spreadsheet. If you want a masterpiece, you need a human. AI can help you mix the paint, but it cannot feel the texture of the canvas. It cannot feel the pain of the creation.
Interviewer: You were always skeptical of things that weren't finished. Some developers are releasing AI products that are buggy and hallucinate.
Steve: That's just "beta." I hate beta. I hate it. You can't ship a knife that cuts your finger. You can't ship an assistant that lies to you. That destroys trust. Trust is the hardest thing to build and the easiest thing to lose.
When we talk about the future, we won't talk about "models." We'll talk about "experiences." If the model hallucinates, the experience is broken. Period. We don't care about the architecture. We care about the result.
Interviewer: You mentioned the interface. We are seeing AR glasses and neural interfaces. Where does AI fit in the body?
Steve: (Pauses, looks at his hands) The screen was a mistake. It was the first time we put a barrier between people and the digital world. We had to put it back because we weren't ready.
The future isn't a box. It's the air. AI should be ambient. It should know what you need before you ask, but it shouldn't speak until you listen. It's the difference between a car that talks to you and a car that drives you. We want the car to drive you, but you keep the wheel.
Interviewer: Some people are worried that AI will become a dependency. We might lose the ability to write, to code, to design.
Steve: (Leans forward, intense) Then they weren't very good at it to begin with. If you can only do something because a machine is holding your hand, you aren't a creator. You're an operator.
I want to give people superpowers. Not because they don't know how to do it, but because they can do it faster. If I can use AI to write the code, I can spend the rest of the day designing the architecture. If I use it to write the code and the architecture, I'm not a designer. I'm a prompter.
We need to make sure the AI makes us smarter, not lazier. That is the ethical challenge. That is the design challenge.
Interviewer: Finally, Steve. If you could define the "AI of 2030" in one sentence, what would it be?
Steve: (Smiles, a rare, genuine smile) An intelligence so invisible, you forget it's there, only to realize you're better for having used it.
Interviewer: Thank you, Steve.
Steve: (Stands up) Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a call with the camera team. The frame rate is wrong.
(Steve walks away. The camera stays on the empty chair for a few seconds before the feed cuts.)
End of Transcript.
Tests an AI's humor and understanding of current events
Tests an AI's ability to write in distinct character voices
Tests an AI's ability to generate a complete, working landing page
Recreate an interactive, nostalgic Pokémon battle UI in a single HTML file.
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